DV

Yay, time for that topic! DV, or domestic violence as it's called is a common age old occurence.
I'll be willing to bet that most of us know at least one person whose life has been affected by it, at some stage and some of them will even be men.
I have heard of men that have been physically attacked by their female (or male partners) and at the very least had heavy things such as glass bowls, ashtrays and vases thrown at them. I never really thought about it when I was young, but it must be hard not hitting back...and so many don't. I hope at least one person has a think about the advantage they're taking when they do that sort of thing. I once gave my husband a paper cut on his face flinging a piece of paper about. He's never let me forget it.

Anyway, the person I had miss 24 and mister 21 with was one such man. If I hadn't been such a mess myself, I maybe would've clued in earlier. I once asked him early on in our relationship whether he thought men were better than women. He answered yes. Clue!!!! Nevertheless, I fell pregnant to him. The violence didn't start overnight like it does with some (one older woman I knew said her husband beat her up on their honeymoon), but worked up to it. It started with yelling (which really stressed out one of our friends, whose mother subsequently got set alight and killed by her violent long term partner), worked its way up to shoving each other and resulted in me getting punched, choked and generally put down. I'm ashamed to say that we did it in front of our daughter. It went for (only) a year before I got out. I won't go into detail, but suffice to say, I'm glad I did, it took long enough to come to terms with it as it was.

Things I learned:
* Anyone who "pulls a punch" (makes sure that they don't hit you as hard as they could), is in control of it.

* Drunkeness is an excuse, usually they'll end up doing it sober.

* A man can quite safely punch his female partner in public (it happened to me).

* A lot of people express disgust, but are loathe to intefere.

* Men that hit women are quite often to scared to hit other men (my ex, of course was an exception, he would've taken on man, woman or beast).

* Staying in a violent relationship for kids is the worst reason. Just supposing nothing too serious happens, the kids end up hating both parents, one for doing it , the other for putting up with it, I met a woman who felt this very way during that particular year.

Needless to say, I was very wary after I left. I didn't answer the constantly ringing phone, or venture outside by myself for some time. It was safer. When he did bother seeing his kids, I dropped them off at his parents or sister's house. His family were very helpful, fortunately and never gave out my address etc and so I was free to start again.

The biggest and best thing I think I did was thinking about the type of relationship I wanted and what sort of partner I wanted. I made a vow to myself to accept invitations from men I would never have dated before. I realised that I needed to change the type of man I liked, otherwise I ran the risk of repeating that mistake, like so many have before and after me. Fortunately it worked. I've been with G for 20 years, married 15 of them and have never been afraid of him once. Better be more careful with that paper.